Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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