Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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