I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
