so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
