yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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