I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize