her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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