Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
