Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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