you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
