Everything about him screamed your future.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
