someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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