I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
