His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize