New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
