Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
