Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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