Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
