Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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