he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
