She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
