Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
