the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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