You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize