I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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