I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
