I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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