We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize