1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
