its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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