woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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