is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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