She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
