my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
