Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
