Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
