someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
