i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
someone owes me an orgasm
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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