This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
