meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
