oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just google imaged poop.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
