Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
