Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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