Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
