girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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