They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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