My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
