hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
