My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
even my farts smell like vagina
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
