then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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