I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
