About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Success! We fucked roommates!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
