God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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