You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is the high leading the old right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
