o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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