Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
