I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
