btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
