I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
