my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
