im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
