Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was born a porn star she said
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
