11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
