I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
