so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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