Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
