I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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