I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
