I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
