If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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