i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
