its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
