WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
