i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
