i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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