so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
