Got a toothbrush?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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